Everything is given to us on loan

"Never say about anything, 'I've lost it,' but rather, 'I've given it back.' Your child has died? It has been given back. Your wife has died? She has been given back. 'My farm has been taken from me.’ Well, that too has been given back. 'Yes, but the man who took it is a rogue.' What does it matter to you through what person the one who gave it to you demanded it back? So long as he entrusts it to you, take care of it as something that isn't your own, as travelers treat an inn."

Epictetus, Enchiridion, 11

There was a time when I resented Fortune when she took something from me. Be it wealth, a home, my youthful innocence, and so on, I wasted so much time being angry at a force of nature that no one fully understands. Instead of accepting the things I couldn't control, such as what life sees me acquire and lose, I allowed myself to build attachment and lament when those things were removed.

I'm not exactly sure where I first heard this analogy — perhaps it was Ryan Holiday in one of his books, podcasts, or videos — but it made so much sense. Everything in our lives is given to us on loan; we own nothing but the power of our choices and impressions. Even our bodies are loaned to us, as we must give them back when we die. Our partners, friends, possessions, wealth, homes, all of the things outside of what Epictetus called our ruling center is not our own, and therefore must be given back when it is time.

But what entity or force dictates when it's time to pay back the loan? I don't know. Given that I'm a skeptic, I do not believe there is any form of deity or supernatural underpinning to the universe that guides things. If you're religious or otherwise spiritual, this concept might be easier for you to understand. Be it God, the universe, the logos, or what have you, it is far simpler to accept when it is time to pay back the loan.

For me, I still accept this analogy, but I frame it more along the lines of how Epictetus frames it in the quote at the top. When it's time for something to depart from my life, I tell myself, "I have given it back." How does this help? It puts me at peace knowing that I own nothing but my own power of choice and that all things must come to an end and be returned.

You might find this depressing or perhaps morbid. That's fine. I know that every external thing in my life that I hold dear will leave at some point; I have to give it all back. My marriage will someday end, though I can hope it is due to natural causes. My friendships will all end, be by distance or loss. My career will end, my passions, my very life itself. All things must come to an end.

It's easy to cry and complain when something is taken from us, but I'll have you note that that's what children do. My niece cries and screams if you take something from her, unless you give her something "better" in return. She is a toddler at the time of writing this. It is therefore safe to assume that adults, who own the full power of their rationality, should act more maturely.

It is in another place that Epictetus says to practice this exercise. "With regard to everything that is a source of delight to you, or is useful to you, or of which you are fond," he said, "remember to keep telling yourself what kind of thing it is, starting with the most insignificant. If you're fond of a jug, say, 'This is a jug that I'm fond of,' and then, if it gets broken, you won't be upset. If you kiss your child or your wife, say to yourself that it is a human being that you're kissing; and then, if one of them should die, you won't be upset." (Enchiridion, 3)

This isn't to say that you oughn't grow attached to something or someone. To do so would be to invalidate a core human experience. In establishing this attachment, however, I caution you to remember and constantly remind yourself that you will have to give it back at some point. When that time comes, you can be ready and the upset won't be as painful. I've already put this into practice in my own life and it has helped immensely.

All loans must be — at least ethically speaking — paid back. Sometimes, that loan comes with interest to be paid alongside. Sitting there and complaining about it hasn't helped me whatsoever, nor has it prevented the repayment.

I encourage you to go about your life and remind yourself what each thing is, as Epictetus suggested. Your possessions are merely things, your relationships are with human beings (who have their own desires and loans to repay), and that none of the things outside of your control are truly yours, only yours in trust.

I hope you find some peace in this exercise as you meditate on the future and your actions therein. Do not let this see you fall into despair, but rather ensure that it helps you appreciate what you have more, knowing that it all could leave at any moment.

Everything must be given back; everything is ours on loan. If you forget this, life will most definitely remind you.